remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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