why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
