We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
