? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
