Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
