She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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