I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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