I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
