I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
