I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
