we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
