I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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