After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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