I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
