Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
