Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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