3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
