New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
