I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
