..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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