Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am naked and annoyed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
