If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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