So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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