Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
