I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
