nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
