Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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