Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
