no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
