i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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