Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
