Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
