It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
