There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
