sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
