wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
