just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
