3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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