she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
