It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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