News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
