my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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