He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
