i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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