Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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