Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
