Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
