He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So vagazzling was a success
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
