grandma shit on top of the toilet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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