my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
