how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
