My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
